From my first memories, being hidden from the Nazis in
France, all I can remember is fear, loneliness and confusion. I was born in the
middle of the worst holocaust ever known, and I was born with Jewish blood.
My father was a Freedom Fighter in the French underground
and both my parents died in the war. My Grandmother on my motherâ€™s side died in
a Ghetto in Eastern Europe and both my grandparents on my fatherâ€™s side died in
concentration camps. My father made arrangements with a French lawyer who was
secretly helping the underground to take me out of what he considered Fascist
France (French authorities had helped the Germans deport and kill most of the
When the war was over, he did just that. He found a
wonderful woman to adopt me. She was a left wing cause fighter with a heart as
big and giving as any person I have ever known.
I saw a different part of life than most kids. She married
a Hollywood psychologist and gave me a loving family for many years. I saw
first hand the repression of the Un-American Activities Committee and fought for
such causes as ban the atom bomb and civil rights - along with a lot of loving
and some very famous people.
This rich and loving life came crashing down when my
adoptive mother died of cancer and my step-father changed and rejected me at the
tender age of sixteen.
I entered in â€˜the sixtiesâ€™ completely alone in this world,
wounded, and looking for someone to love me and tell me the truth. I tried just
about everything to fill the empty gaping wound in my soul. I became addicted
to anything that would temporarily stop the pain of loneliness and rejection -
including food, marijuana, sex and LSD (which completely destroyed my mind and
made me like a little child for many years). I was the Hippie of hippies and
The â€˜flower childâ€™.
I thought I had found peace at last but I was still
searching for the truth and the truth giver. No family, I wandered around in a
false euphoria of drugs and â€˜relationshipsâ€™.
I was a prime target for Charlie and his now infamous
â€˜Familyâ€™. I came to the Family through a boyfriend, Bobby Beausoleil and when I
met Charlie he seemed to have all the answers. My wounded soul drank in all
the attention he bestowed on me. He was all things to all people and for me he
became the revolutionary leader, the loving and free one that could free me from
my pain and fear. Night after night and day after day I listened to him and he
became my truth giver and the closest thing to Christ I had ever experienced. A
true angel of light! But it was a false light; like a moth goes to a light bulb
and destroys itself, thinking it is the sun it is flying into.
I was so convinced that he had all the answers and that he
was Jesus Christ personified that I convincingly told many â€˜Familyâ€™ members that
he was. Since I believed it with all my heart, they believed me. In the
process I pulled Leslie Van Houten and Linda Kasabian into the family; a fact
that still grieves me to this day. I also looked the owner of this Web Site in
the face, Dennis Rice, and told him that Charlie was Christ. We were all
looking for God and truth and we were all deceived.
There was never any talk of murder or any kind of violence
really. To me it was a dream come true. I had the family I had never had,
validationâ€¦and the attention I so desperately craved. I believed we would all
survive the coming holocaust together and save all the little children who would
be crying on street corners in the burning cities. This appealed to my motherly
Ever so slowly, things began to change. I was the oldest
besides Charlie and I had a lot of fears that he constantly was â€˜working onâ€™. I
also had lots of unresolved issued that caused me to overeat, something I had
done off and on most of my life. This caused Charlie to leave me out of a lot
of the â€˜more advancedâ€™ training sessions, that I actually only learned about
after reading Charles Watsonâ€™s book. The bottom line is that I was left out of
During the trial, from his jail cell, Charlie hooked me up
with an escaped convict that nearly got me killed in a shootout with the
police. It took many years to fully see what Charlie was all about and even
more years to see that I was hooked in much the same way to this convict. I
just wanted to be loved and accepted and would do just about anything for it.
While on the run and living in Canada, away from the direct
influence of a man, I heard a song by Bob Dylan. I had admired Dylan and bought
and listened to every album and every song he ever did. I thought he was a
prophet of our times.
Taking care of my young son, wanted by the FBI and hiding
in Canada, a song came on the radio one day and changed my entire existence. It
was calledâ€¦ â€œYouâ€™re Gonna Have To Serve Somebodyâ€